WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
Despite the popular notion that only men can be patriarchal, the truth is that woman can be patriarchal as well. Tiziana Della Rovere, ADORATA
We are all a mixure of masculine and feminine traits. Men can be nurturing, women can be assertive; no reasonably thoughtful human being can seriously want to be constrained to fit into tiny boxes labeled “masculine” or “feminine” behaviors. What terrible pressure it is to live up to traditional expectations which require suppressing aspects of ourselves labeled undesirable for our identified sex.
I’ve come to realize that patriarchal values have been so much a part of my life that I didn’t always realize they were there. I thoroughly internalized the notion that masculine values like ambition, assertiveness, and competence are superior to feminine values of intuition, acknowledging feelings, emotional intelligence and so on. I drank it in with my mother’s milk. And I have felt inferior because I wasn’t born male. In other words, I adopted patriarchal views of myself, though intellectually I was a feminist.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t fight it; the long list of therapists in my life can testify to that. But it wasn’t clear to me then that part of the problem didn’t have everything to do with my upbringing, except that patriarchy was passed on to me through the family. It was my own lack balance between masculine and feminine, and fear of being wholly myself. Identifying where they hide can be challenging, though.
Aside from a mother and father, my family consisted of four daughters and no boys. I don’t think any one of us felt our Dad was completely happy about that. I have no doubt that he loved us. But I’m pretty sure not having a male child to pass on his skills to, and having to cope with five women wanting his attention was a disappointment. Anyway, he never taught us how to use screwdrivers and wrenches, nor how to service a car even to top up the oil , nor how to change a tire. We grew up knowing our Daddy could repair anything and build anything. Then it turned out I was on my own for almost half of my life. And not knowing how to do simple things has been a huge learning curve. I bought an electric drill and other tools, but still hesitate before tackling jobs I think of as “men’s jobs”.
He did teach us to use a shotgun for target practice out in the middle of the Southern California desert. Not sure why that was okay.
Mother was a housewife with occasional bursts of outside work. She worked as Rosie the riveter during the Second World War. She got her real estate license and briefly tried her hand at that. She worked in retail a few times, demonstrated products, and whatever else she could do to supplement the family income. But none of it was a career. Her children were her career. And then we were gone.
My journey has been, and is, to let more of myself blossom into wholeness, and part of that journey is to recognize where I have allowed male views of women to define me; to root out where I have accepted male superiority and undervalued my own talents and skills.
Women have made progress, of course. My daughters-in-law are professional women with successful careers. They are caring mothers. Women have broken glass ceilings in business and in politics, not only in the United States. There is a surprisingly long list of female heads of state on every continent and in countries with different
faiths. Ceylon, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Bolivia, Central Republic of Africa to mention a fraction. But when we elect Kamala Harris, we will finally make the list.
However, there are forces not only in Afghanistan and Iran seeking to turn back the clock on women’s rights. In the good ole USofA, we have a noisy and powerful group, with Trump currently as the visible spearhead, working hard to take away the advances women have achieved. They’ve been at it for decades. I’ve witnessed it percolating for decades.
They’ve succeeded in appointing conservative Supreme Court judges who have dislodged Roe vs Wade and given presidents carte blanche to perpetrate illegal acts as president. What’s next? Voting rights for all turned back to pre-twentieth century status? Black people counted as 3/5ths of a person for voting purposes? LGBQT rights? Gay marriage?
If, as I fervently hope and pray, Mr. Trump will be defeated, those behind him will not go away. They will contest the outcome of the election when he loses. They will continue to try to undermine trust in our most important institutions.
The fight is not over. But electing Kamala Harris as president would go a long way to giving many of us the heart to continue the battle.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON BALANCING MASCULINE AND FEMININE ENERGIES, SEE:
WWW.THE SACREDLOVERSWITHIN.COM
© 2024 Kathleen Hall
548 Market Street PMB 72296, San Francisco, CA 94104
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I am so glad that you don’t “sell yourself short” with your passion and compassion. You are so articulate and stellar in the way you express your thoughts. So, thank you.
I would have voted for Ms. Harris four years ago if not for her campaign running out of money. 😔
Now, when she faces something (other than a human being), I will make absolutely sure to vote for her, no later than 11/05/24.
Excellent